I struggle to communicate sometimes. Sometimes I don’t know how to get words from my brain to my mouth. I get all flustered and tongue tied. I can’t seem to get the words to just move from my brain where they all make sense to my mouth and come out the same way. Sometimes words get lost. I don’t know why. It’s not a problem with words, because they flow from my fingers through typing and writing with no problem. Putting my thoughts down on paper is easy. I often stop mid paragraph to do something else and I’m able to come back and pick up exactly where I left off. I wish I was able to communicate my thoughts out loud. I wish I knew how.
Today I’ve got a lot of emotions flowing through my body. I’m so beyond excited to see my family this weekend and to move home to Pennsylvania in just one mont, but I’m also so so sad to leave my kids behind. I know they’ll be moving to kindergarten and learning so much more with each passing day. I know I’d be losing them anyway. But with each group of kids that enter my life, I forget how much love flows from my heart for each of them. I forget how much separating from them hurts. I love all 17 of my kids with my whole heart. And the thought of leaving them is tearing my apart. I know I’ll have a new group of kids in Pennsylvania and I’ll love them just as much.
I know this is the right decision for me. I know I am going to be happier and healthier. I’ll have support. I am confident in this decision, but walking around the room today and telling my students I love them as they fall asleep, makes just a little piece of me want to stay. But I know a much much bigger part wants to leave.